An Irish Air Continued

     We were thrilled and relieved that Fiona got to Ireland in one piece.  She spent a lot of her time with Erin, her birth mother, and with her three half-siblings.  Fiona and brother David, one year her junior, got to be especially close.  She hung out with him and his school chums for a good part of every day.  Erin turned out to be in better-than-expected-shape, and so the sense of urgency with which we had sent Fiona there had dissipated.  We really didn't know what to expect, since much of the time Erin was so heavily medicated for the pain that she couldn't communicate very effectively.  Fiona was going to be gone for three weeks.  It now seems like that was too long a time to spend away from her school here, but at the time we did what we thought best.

     There was not much change in Erin's condition over the next couple of weeks.  By the third week Fiona was ready to come home.  We asked if she wanted to come back sooner than planned, but she decided to stick it out until her scheduled return.  Being an old hand at changing terminals at Heathrow for her connecting flight, Fiona made it through the travel labyrinth without a hitch.  Though we had meant for this visit to be one of farewell, Erin's status had improved enough that she was given several more months.  Of course we all know that doctor's estimates on these sorts of things are just that:  guesses.  Fiona left Erin with the thought of perhaps returning in the summer or even possibly for school next year.

    

     We were delighted to have Fiona back safe and sound.  And she was very happy to get back together with her boyfriend and other friends.  But within a few days, she wanted to go back to Ireland to live, for the summer and into the next school year, if not permanently.  This is where I become very uncertain about the pros and cons of open adoption.  Legally, Rich and I are Fiona's parents, and we absolutely feel like we are her parents.  We took on that responsibility 16 years ago.  I do think it's a good idea for a child to know about his/her birth family and to have some contact.  But the situation that we have created here, that is, a birth family that is having trouble letting go, seems like it does the child more harm perhaps than good.  Fiona is feeling very torn between her Irish and American families.  And the pressure she is feeling from her Irish family is seriously undermining our family unit here in the states.  I am curious if there are any other adoptive families faced with this dilemma.  Please feel free to comment.