An Irish Air Continued

     We were thrilled and relieved that Fiona got to Ireland in one piece.  She spent a lot of her time with Erin, her birth mother, and with her three half-siblings.  Fiona and brother David, one year her junior, got to be especially close.  She hung out with him and his school chums for a good part of every day.  Erin turned out to be in better-than-expected-shape, and so the sense of urgency with which we had sent Fiona there had dissipated.  We really didn't know what to expect, since much of the time Erin was so heavily medicated for the pain that she couldn't communicate very effectively.  Fiona was going to be gone for three weeks.  It now seems like that was too long a time to spend away from her school here, but at the time we did what we thought best.

     There was not much change in Erin's condition over the next couple of weeks.  By the third week Fiona was ready to come home.  We asked if she wanted to come back sooner than planned, but she decided to stick it out until her scheduled return.  Being an old hand at changing terminals at Heathrow for her connecting flight, Fiona made it through the travel labyrinth without a hitch.  Though we had meant for this visit to be one of farewell, Erin's status had improved enough that she was given several more months.  Of course we all know that doctor's estimates on these sorts of things are just that:  guesses.  Fiona left Erin with the thought of perhaps returning in the summer or even possibly for school next year.

    

     We were delighted to have Fiona back safe and sound.  And she was very happy to get back together with her boyfriend and other friends.  But within a few days, she wanted to go back to Ireland to live, for the summer and into the next school year, if not permanently.  This is where I become very uncertain about the pros and cons of open adoption.  Legally, Rich and I are Fiona's parents, and we absolutely feel like we are her parents.  We took on that responsibility 16 years ago.  I do think it's a good idea for a child to know about his/her birth family and to have some contact.  But the situation that we have created here, that is, a birth family that is having trouble letting go, seems like it does the child more harm perhaps than good.  Fiona is feeling very torn between her Irish and American families.  And the pressure she is feeling from her Irish family is seriously undermining our family unit here in the states.  I am curious if there are any other adoptive families faced with this dilemma.  Please feel free to comment.

An Irish Air

     With a leap ahead to the present, we are now faced with Erin's illness being very serious, fatal in fact.  We got word a few weeks ago that Erin didn't have much longer on this Earth and wanted to hold Fiona's hand one last time.  How could we say no to that request?  My traveling with Fiona to  Ireland was out of the question since not only do I have a fractured tibia at the moment, but a fractured vertebra as well.  If Fiona were going to go, she would have to go by herself.  Fiona was up to the challenge and insisted she could manage.  She found a non-stop flight to London Heathrow with a connecting flight to Belfast, which is about an hour's drive from Erin's house.  Fiona assured us she could change terminals by herself and would be met in Belfast by her great aunt Colleen.  Fiona also worked out a plan with her teachers to have her school assignments with her, and to do the required work while she was gone.  She would stay with one of her aunts or her birth mother.  Since I had been there myself last summer, I had a better idea what type of environment she would be in and felt comfortable with her solo trip.  And believing this was Fiona's last chance to see her birth mother, we agreed to let her go.

     We took her to the airport and were assured by the people at the ticket counter that Fiona would be well looked after.  We checked her bags and walked her to security where we hugged and kissed and wished her all the best.  No sooner had we gotten home from the airport (ten minutes away) when Fiona texted me that the airline people would not let her board the plane.  They said they had no personnel at Heathrow to walk her to the Aer Lingus terminal.  I asked to speak with one of them, but was told it had nothing to do with my wishes.  Finally, after about twenty minutes of uncertainty, Fiona called me and said they had agreed to let her board.  She said she had started crying and told them it was her last chance to see her Irish birth mother.  A superintendent was called and made the decision to let her go.  She was given a seat to herself with extra leg room and an escort at Heathrow was arranged.  Next time I have problems at the airport,  I will start crying.  It's a powerful weapon!

     Fiona made her connection and arrived in Belfast on schedule.  Great aunt Colleen met her and drove her to one of her other aunt's where she spent the first night.  And then she went immediately to see Erin.

To be continued.....